totally blog-worthy poo!

Evan is talented!  That's enough said right there, but I'd like to elaborate.  Here's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. :)

Just moments before all the activity...so sweet...first time smiling while nursing :)

I was nursing Evan.  He was done with one side.  I decided I'd burp him before I switched sides.  I set him (a little on the boppy) mostly on my leg and started patting away.  Seconds later, my son let out a BIG poo....and it leaked. all. over!!!!  It was on my dress pants (guess I'm not wearing those again this week).  On the boppy (how do you get poo out of plush??). On the couch.  All OVER him and his clothes.  Plus, because he's a 100% mama's milk diet, you KNOW it's all runny and gooey!  (TMI?)

So, I take him back to our changing area.  I take his outfit off and pull his diaper down.  He's become famous for not getting it all out at once and so I've been leaving the dirty one under him while he finishes his business, so to say.  He loves the mobile above his changing pad, so it entertains him while I clean off my pants with wipes, stain remover and paper towels.  I'm leaning over trying to clean myself and Evan decides he needs to pee.  (Do you see what's coming?)  Evan peed in my face...for the first time...but still. YUCK!

So I take off his diaper and put a paper towel under him, thinking he's done.  Oh mama!  You still have yet to learn!  Of course he's not done.  I lift him up to put the diaper under and out comes some more poo.  Well, at least I have a paper towel to catch it.

Clean him up, lotion his back and legs (he's been getting dry spots), diaper him, put stain remover on his clothes and socks, come out to the living room...remember that it's all over the boppy....take him back to the changing pad, try to clean poo off of plush...seriously how do you do that?  Come back out to the living room and sit down....feeling beat!

:)

Constipation Remedies 101

Here's everything you need to know about solving the horrible bout of your child's constipation:

1.  Wake up every hour on the hour during the night and walk with your child (can you say sleep deprivation).

2.  Try to figure out if your child is hungry or just in pain.  (note: you can usually tell the difference between the two cries, but not this time...totally throwing off your mama instincts and confidence)

3.  Pray for your child.  

4. Walk and bounce and shush and sing for hours today.

5. Change your child's diaper many times hoping that a clean diaper will spur on the feeling of needing to pee or poop (because every. other. time. you change your child's diaper it spurs on the feeling of needing to pee or poop!!).

6.  Walk to your office and back (1.5 miles total) hoping that the cinched action of the wrap will help squeeze it out (you are definitely getting your exercise today).

7.  Strip yourself and your child naked and take a shower hoping that the warm water and nakedness will help move it out.

8.  Let your child sleep on his stomach for his nap, hoping that the pressure on his stomach will help it move on the way out (and then check on him every minute to make sure he hasn't fallen victim to SIDS {Gosh there are so many things to worry and fret about when you are a mom}).

9.  Listen to your child scream a TOTALLY different scream then you've ever heard. 

10.  Cry with your child.  It might help. 

11. Call a friend and talk to them about their child's experience with constipation.  Let their words comfort you and listen when they tell you they are praying for you and your child.

12.  Change your child's diaper one more time and hold up his legs a little higher than normal.  Watch as a sight normally unseen (and should probably remain unseen) unfolds before your eyes.  More poop than you can ever imagine will come running out of your sweet child's behind.

You will laugh.  You will cry.  You will shout for joy.  Must most importantly...

You will cheer on your son as he does an amazing job and relieving himself all over your shirt. 

I love my son!

mama instincts...ENGAGE!

Oh my goodness, did I feel some mama instincts tonight!  and not the good kind...the I-might-need-the-pacifier-too kind.

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 I was in the drive thru line tonight getting a snack for my husband before our first childbirth class :)  YAY!  The lady in front of us LITERALLY took 5 minutes to order.  FIVE minutes!  I was getting pretty upset but trying not to react outwardly.  The guy behind me decides he needs to react outwardly and starts honking his horn every 10 seconds, like that's going to help AT ALL!  The girl in front of me leans out the window and starts to yell profanity and then proceeds to "pull up to the first window" at the speed of one.mile.per.hour!  What are we?  Children?  UGH!  I wanted so badly to take both those drivers and teach them a lesson in respect and patience!

So I finally get my Rolando's food and try to pull on to the street.  At that exact moment, this dodge truck hauling a BIG trailer (in the right lane) decides to stop in front of the exit of the restaurant and hold up traffic until someone will let him into the left lane so he can make a left hand turn at the next stop light.  By this time, the guy behind me has gotten his order and is ready to exit as well.  What does he do?  You guessed it, pulls right up behind us and starts honking his horn every five seconds.  My fuse is shorter and getting shorter by the [five] second[s]!!  I want to get out of my car and stomp back there in all my mama-pride-power and lay into him.  

Finally, the truck makes his lane change.  We are able to move and the driver behind us seems happy enough...until we have to wait for a red light because previously mentioned dodge truck can't fit into one lane.  Honking ensues...this time adding obscene gestures at me (I'm the innocent victim here...don't raise that finger at me young man!) and came so close to my bumper that I think I could hear him breathing!  I've had it.  That's it mister.  You and I...outside....right NOW!!!!!!  If I hadn't controlled myself, I might have ended up looking like this...

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Don't Make Me Get Out of This Car And Teach You a Lesson!!!!!!!!!!