what is it that mom always says?

My mom didn't say this phrase often, but it's a well known phrase:

Don't cry over spilled milk!

Have you ever thought what does it mean exactly?  There's always a moral, right?  Well, lucky us!  We have the internet...from this source:

"The idiom that there is no use crying over spilled milk means that if we make a mistake and something gets broken, it is not helpful to wail in lament, and instead we should simply clean up the mess and get on with it.
This saying comes from the days when dairy animals were milked by hand into a pail. Milk does get spilled occasionally when the pail is tipped over, and then there simply is no getting it back into the pail. Like many other times in life, crying or complaining won't help at all, and it's better not to waste the time or energy and instead just get back to the task at hand"

As I discussed in a previous post, I've had to pump and dump due to some meds I was taking.  I did this one day and started feeding Evan the next day just as the doctor ordered.  Evan was unusually fussy the day I fed him so I decided to pump and dump the rest of the time I was on the meds.  It was a sacrifice I was willing to make in order to keep my son happy (I did miss feeding him terribly, but daddy got a good number of feedings in and loved it!).  I was lucky enough to have a supply built up so that feeding him my milk was possible.  My sister/nanny was so good about pulling enough milk out during the day so that they would thaw by evening.  Evan's tummy has stayed happy and that makes mama happy.

Wednesday I allowed myself to cry (just a little) over milk...my breast milk.   On Wednesday night, I was making Evan a bottle and I accidentally knocked over the bottle with his freshly warmed milk.  5 ounces gone, wasted in seconds!  I've been pumping/dumping about 13 ounces a day and then here's 5 whole ounces of good, fattening, calorie-filled, med-free milk and I just dumped it all over the counter.  I cried and then I smiled because my very next thought was "Well, at least I aimed into the sink and not all over the kitchen floor." 

The moral of this story, if you have to clean up milk with one hand while holding a crying baby in the other, the most you can hope for is not having to get on your hands and knees to clean it.  :)

We'll make it...

Well, I've officially made it through my first 4 weeks back to work.  And guess what!  I survived and Evan survived and, most importantly, my nanny survived!  She's the most important because if she didn't survive I wouldn't be able to work and if I couldn't work, we wouldn't be able to pay the bills and without that we'd be homeless and...well...you see where this is going.  Basically, she's now the foundation of our family :)  haha!

Here are a few things I've learned along the way:

1.  Wash your bottles more often - in fact, maybe you need to buy more bottles

2.  Make a video of your baby being fussy - watch it while you are pumping.  It'll help your milk let down faster :)

3.  Having a nanny is amazing, a must-have!  She'll take such good care of your little one.  Take care of her and she'll make your work life a breeze.  She'll text you pictures of your sweet one.  She'll bring your baby to work to deliver things that you forgot.

4.  Steam bags are an amazing help.  They can sterilize your pump supplies easily after you rinse out the milk.  It makes pumping at work so much easier!

5.  Communicate with your department and supervisor.  I know, it's weird to have such a shift in your work identity, but you are a working mom now and pumping is a normal part of life.  It probably won't weird the coworkers out as much as you think.  Also, let them all know the struggles you are having.  They will be amazingly supportive and helpful...and understanding.

6.  Don't have high expectations of what you can accomplish.  Go in slow and build up from there.  Be easy on yourself.  Don't worry if you feel like you are starting a new job - your life basically changed 100% over your maternity leave.  You shouldn't expect to retain silly job tasks when you have the cutest baby in the world to take care of! :)

7.  Have faith that your decision is the right decision.  You will have up's and down's about going back to work.  Believe in yourself.  You know instinctively what is best for you and your family.  If working is the best thing right now, you have the power within you to make it work.  When you feel that working isn't the correct choice anymore, you'll figure out a way to stay home. 

If I could just share one thing I've learned from this journey, it would this.  Mama has the power to do anything and everything necessary to keep her family alive and protected and fed.  Mama can do everything needed to provide and when mama falters, all her supporters are there to scoop up the heap on the floor and put her back on her feet on the pathway to success.

Pump and Dump

Ugh! Those three words have been my enemy for the past two days.  They make me sad, make me angry, make me tired and, most of all, make me miss my boy!

Who wouldn't miss this adorable boy?

Without going into too many details, my body has been at war for the past 7 weeks with an infection that just won't take the hint and leave town!  It's been pretty miserable to say the least, but I think this final round of meds just might do the trick!  I tried a mild round of meds because I didn't want to stop breast feeding Evan and I didn't want him to be affected (upset stomach or worse) by the meds I was taking.  The mild meds worked for a few days and then the infection returned.  I tried the mild meds again thinking that if I did a few things differently, it might work.  I know....silly me!

The third time the infection came on, I haul Evan and myself to the doctor determined to rid myself of this thing as fast as possible, no matter what.  Well, I was not emotionally prepared for what the doctor suggested.  Strong meds, three different types of medication, and no breast feeding for 2 of the 7 days. 

What?? No breastfeeding for 2 full days!?!?  Not cool!  I asked the doctor what I was supposed to do.  The answer, straight from his mouth, "Pump and Dump."  YUCK!!  He gave me very specific instructions on how to take these pills and cause as minimal upset stomach for my baby as possible.  He calls it a slammer mix.  I take 5 antibiotic pills at one time and then 3 days later the same thing.  I have to pump and dump for a day and I can nurse the 2 days in between.  Rinse and repeat ;)  On top of that, I have to take an anti-fungal prophylactically (yes, I know big words) to prevent a ductal yeast infection because I'm a nursing mom.  

So, I started the meds on Friday morning.  First and foremost, I fed my sweet baby boy.  I almost cried, but thought, "It's only one day." I took 6 pills (the nastiest tasting things in the universe).  For the rest of the day, I pumped and dumped.  Again, I almost cried!  A total of 13 ounces of milk down the drain.  Very sad day for mama.  Then last night as I put my son to sleep, I prayed over his belly.  Lord, please protect my son's belly from all ill effects of the medicine I am taking.  Help his system to be strong and fight off the meds that may flow from my body to his during this 7 day period.  Help his not suffer because of mama's infection.  Be with him if he does have a belly ache.  Help him to sleep well if he does not feel healthy.  And, Lord, please oh please make this round of meds work and mama not have an infection anymore.  Amen.

I went to sleep last night hopeful and ready to feed my son again.  This morning could not come soon enough.  Evan slept so well last night.  From 9 - 4 and then from 4:30 to 8!  I slept well too and was anxious to feed him at his 4 o'clock wake up time. 

He was a little grumpy when he awoke at 8 and I just prayed again that he would not suffer from my medication.  He quickly ate his breakfast and was his normal smiley self.  He's eaten five times so far today and has slept more than normal.  We've had a pretty busy Saturday, so I'm not sure if his sleeping is due to information overload or an unhappy belly.  Either way, I'm happy that he is sleeping and not showing many signs of ill effect...except one very strong reaction...it's smelly and green and not his normal b.m.  But at least it doesn't seem to be hurting him.  Praise the Lord!

5 more days of this and it can't come soon enough!  I'll pump and dump again on Monday (that'll be easier because I work half the day and would pump anyway).  Please pray for us if you think about it.  For Evan's tiny body to not be affected by the meds I have to take.  For me to be healed of this awful infection.  For all of us to be healthy and back to normal as soon as possible!