Bonding

*Warning: you might need a tissue.  I certainly did*

This post has been a long time coming.  There are so many words that I wanted to put down perfectly.  I'm not a fantastic writer, especially when the words are burdened by so much emotion.  In the last few weeks, I've felt a tug on my heart to write about a topic that is not talked about enough.  It's not a topic that people like to talk about, it has the potential to bring a lot of awkward moments to the conversation.  But, today, I decided that I'm okay with awkward moments.  Someone out there (whoever my audience may be) needs to hear these words.  And so I write.

I didn't immediately bond with my son.

Are you surprised?  I was!  How could I not love this baby and feel that immediate bond with him?  What a horrible mother I am going to be.  How will I care for a child if everything I thought about the immediacy of that overwhelming feeling goes out the window?  What does it mean to not bond with your baby immediately?  Who do I talk to about this?  People would ask me after my son was born: Don't you just LOVE him?" And while I knew the answer was yes, it wasn't the euphoric, strong, infatuation love that I expected.  I am a person who feels emotions deeply and for me not to feel so deeply about my son..it scared me.  When would the bonding occur? 

This issue was always on my mind.  That first week was pretty bad emotionally (obviously) but not feeling that bond made it so much harder.  And then there was another topic that I thought of constantly.  I'm almost afraid to say this next thing, but it's the truth so I'll say it anyway.  For a long time, I felt that I didn't 'earn the right' to be a mom.  I had heard a lot of stories about birth and had psyched myself up for a super intense, long, hard, painful delivery experience.  I thought, "That's the journey you have to go through to become a mom."  Well, I'm happy to say that I had a relatively easy, very fast delivery.  Yes, it was painful, but not as painful and hard and excruciating as I thought it was going to be.  The two things I remember most is that I was so tired from being up for almost 48 hours straight and that the last 10-15 minutes were really intense and a lot of pressure. And, yes, the ring of fire does exist...I found it!! :)  However, compared to many stories I had heard, it was a cake walk.  All that made me feel like I hadn't earned the baby laying in my arms.  I know it's a bit ridiculous, but it's the truth and it was a real emotion that I felt.  There I said it.

Bonding is something that comes with time

In those first two weeks of having my son home, I took care of his every need, very minimal...feed him, put him to sleep and change his diaper.  He was a very sweet little new born baby.   He didn't cry a lot.  Nursing was very easy for both of us so that was really nice.  I started to feel more connected as time went on.  But then something happened... He hit 4 weeks old and started to need a lot! ;)  

 He wasn't a very "easy" baby.  He became a very fussy baby.  Evan needed to be held and fed and bounced and rocked and swaddled and bounced and shooshed and re-swaddled (man this child can squirm) and walked and....well you get the point.  He needed constant attention and care and I felt like I couldn't even put him down for a second without him crying.  He had terrible gas pains.  He had trouble pooping (bicycle legs and leg pushes are a God-send).  He didn't sleep more than 2 hours at a time.  Oh, it was just awful.  But, while that was happening, he started distinguishing his cries.  He would cry a certain way for hunger or tiredness or gas pain.  It was then that I started thinking "I'm so proud of myself for learning his different cries."  Someone else would have him when he'd start crying and they'd say, "I think he's hungry" and I'd know with every inch of my being that his cry meant he was tired and needed to be swaddled and held on his side with his paci in his mouth.  He'd confirm that by falling to sleep within seconds and I'd feel my heart swell.  I was doing it right!  And, all of a sudden, a light turned on.  I'm bonding with my child!  This is what it feels like to be so connected to a little being that you know his every need and desire.  It felt so good and so right.  I'm loving on my child and bonding with him by taking care of him.  He responds with appreciation by going right to sleep or happily nursing and gazing into my eyes or smiling when we do bicycle legs (he especially likes bicycle legs with his Mamsie!)

I realize this isn't bicycle legs, but it's a good pic of Evan and Mamsie!! :)

Something my mom told me when Evan was about 4 or 5 weeks old really hit home for me.  She teaches graduate level students who, for the most part, work full time and attend school at night.  One of her students has worked in the hospital for 25+ years.  This student came up to my mom one night and, while talking about my son, said that 60% of women don't immediately bond with their baby and that it takes mama's up to 6 weeks to feel bonded with their child.  Wow, when I heard that, I knew I was okay.  I'm with the MAJORITY of mama's. 

A number of ways I can tell I've bonded with my son

1.  His smile melts my heart e-ver-y time!!
2.  His cry stimulates my milk let down
3.  If he's not in my arms, I miss the weight of his body against me
4.  I cry every day on the way to work (luckily I only have a 3 min drive or 15 min walk)
5.  He stares into my eyes while nursing and I stare right back
6.  He's always on my mind 
7.  I can soothe him (not just by feeding him) in minutes....most of the time :) 

Evan,

Although I didn't bond with you immediately, I feel very secure with our relationship now.   You let me know in so many ways just how much you need me and love me.  Each time I can satisfy your need, my heart swells with delight and pride.  I am so happy to be your mother.  There have been some hard times that only a select few have truly witnessed, but those hard times are becoming few and far between.  Let me add that I loved you every bit as much when you were screaming as when you were laying happily in my arms.  I am willing to put in all the effort needed to make you happy and comfortable.  That's my full time job.  It's not always glamorous, but it's highly rewarding!  I love you with all my heart and feel closer to you every day.  The way you give me good morning smiles fills my heart to overflowing.  It's like you know I need those smiles to tide me over for the work day.  See, you know me and I know you!  We are such a team.

Te amo!
Mama 

My birth story (part 2)

I left off on Saturday afternoon (with only about 4 hours of sleep in a 38 hour period) at home, saddened by the news that I wasn't progressing.  

Here's the finale (again, discontinue reading if you aren't comfortable with TMI issues): 


I made both my sisters go for long walks with me all afternoon.  I wanted so desperately to start labor again.  I was willing to do anything.  I even went so far as taking a dose of castor oil.  Mixed with orange juice...not so bad (gag reflex and all).  I can't remember exactly when I started feeling contractions again, but by 8:30, my sister was timing them and telling me my progress every 30 to 40 minutes.  I was encouraged every time I heard the timing because they were getting longer, stronger and closer together!! :) 


I had my sister call my friend to invite her over during my laboring at home.  I was so thankful when she and her husband showed up.  My friend sat with me and my sister in my bedroom and her husband sat with my husband and my other sister in the living room (later I found out that they were praying for me the whole time; what an amazing group of friends I have!).  The only thing that felt good to me was lying on my right side during every contraction and moaning/humming through each one.  My wonderful sister made a playlist of soothing songs and I would focus on the music through each contraction.  It helped distract me and strangely kept me focused on the task at hand.  By 10:30, I was having pretty intense contractions about every 4 minutes and decided I wanted to sit in the tub with relaxing bubble bath scents to help me through the contractions.  It felt so nice.  I laid in the tub for about an hour and a half and slipped in and out of sleep while my sister rubbed my arm and diligently kept time of the contractions.  I was so tired (remember I'd only slept 4 hours in what was now a 48 hour time period).  I think I actually slept through some contractions even though they were becoming so intense.  At one point, I awoke to a contraction and muttered "Such a rude awakening!" :)  Janelle just kept draining some water and refilling it with hot water and adding more bubbles.  


At midnight, Janelle tried to convince me that it was time to go to the hospital.  My contractions were lasting about 45 to 60 seconds and were coming about ever 3 1/2 minutes.  I remembered the nurse telling me every 3 minutes.  I was going to do my homework completely!!  I told Janelle I wanted 30 more minutes at home and got out of the tub to lay down on my bed again.  We have a queen size bed and I was laying at the farthest right side possible.  I remember my friend had brought frozen strawberries and all of a sudden those sounded so good.  I sucked on those for the next 15 minutes and finally made up my mind that it was time to go to the hospital.  Janelle (or was it Jessica, I can't remember) went out of the bedroom to tell everyone to start packing up.  All of a sudden my contractions got extremely intense and I felt this balloon come out of me.  I screamed "Something's happening!"  I seriously thought it was the head coming out.  Within a second the balloon exploded (literally) and water gushed out of me all the way across my bed and onto the floor.  What I thought was the head was my bag of water breaking.  Now, it's ON!!  Within another second I say "My water just broke! LET'S GO!"  I changed my clothes really quickly; I was SOAKED!  My sister was soaked too, but she was such a sport, she didn't mind.  (oh, it must have been Jessica, because Janelle was with me in the bed...anyway, moving on).  I get out to the car (after another contraction comes and goes), Janelle drives us to the hospital.  I walk into the E.R. and the nurse takes one look at me and says, "Oh my! Maternity center, get a wheel chair, lets go!" I can't imagine what I must have looked like to get that response! :)  I get up to my delivery room at 12:40.  The nurse tells me to pee in a cup.  I think to myself "She has GOT to be kidding!"  But I do it anyway, the nurse knows best, right?  They get me in a gown and check me.  Fully dilated and station 2.  The baby's head is crowning!!  She jokes with me about something, but right then the biggest and strongest contraction hits.  I grab Janelle's hand and say something like "This hurts, I can't do it.  I don't like it.  I have to push!"  Janelle (the WONDERFUL coach that she is) calms me down and the contraction passes.  (Later on, Janelle told me that one of the nurses response to me saying I need to push was "So, push already!"  HAHA!  If only I had actually heard those words.).  At this point, I know the baby is going to come any second.  I've been in labor for just over 4 hours and the contractions are so strong, the urge to push so intense, I'm on the roller coaster ride of my life and am losing a little bit of control.  The doctor on call (not my regular ob-gyn) hasn't made it into the room yet.  My mom hasn't made it yet.  I'm freaking out that this is all going to happen and it's just going to be me, Janelle and Rolando.  I look at the nurse and say, "I feel so much pressure.  I need to push.  Where's my mom?"  


It's 1:05 and my mom arrives.  The doctor follows within seconds.  I'm so emotional and scared.  I hear the doctor tell me to open my legs, grab my knees and bare down.  I hear him say that but in the same second, when the contraction slams into my gut, I squeeze my legs, stop breathing and clench up...everything you're taught NOT to do in labor class.  I think my body was saying, "um...this is happening way too quickly!"  The contraction fades and I give the doctor this panicked look.  He looks right back at me and very calmly says, "Okay, on the next contraction, lets try something different.  I want you to grab your knees and pull them toward you.  Chin to chest and bare down."  His calming voice reaches some inner part of me and I do exactly as he says.  The sensation of being split in two down the middle is so intense, but I press on.  Ring of fire.  This hurts!  I look at my mom with fear in my eyes.  She looks back with an encouraging look.  I know I can do this!  The next contraction slams into me and I bare down just like the doctor tells me.  Everyone is encouraging me.  The nurses, my mom, my sister holding my hand, my husband stroking my hair.  Everyone believes in me.  I push through the ring of fire and after what feels like an eternity, I feel the head push through and i know it's a matter of seconds before I get to see my son.  The rest of the body slips through and I hear the doctor say "It's wrapped around 3 times."  It takes me a few seconds to understand what he's talking about.  Thankfully, by the time I figure out what he just said, I hear the first beautiful cry of my son!  Yes, the cord was wrapped around Evan's neck 3 times but, by the grace of God, he's healthy, crying, and they are laying him on my chest. Evan was born at 1:11 a.m.


I'm so exhausted.  I lay my head back and close my eyes.  My mom has to say to me "Charissa, open your eyes and look at your son."  My son is on my chest.  It's amazing.  He's all gooey and beautiful and tiny and perfect.  "He's my son.  He's my son.  He's my son."  I keep saying this as if I'm trying to convince the world.  I can't believe he's here.  He's here and he's mine!  My mom asks us to share the name finally and I turn to Rolando.  Rolando says "Evan William."  His name is perfect.  He's my Evan.

My little Snow White dwarf :)

Evan - God is gracious
William - resolute protector

Labor took less than 4.5 hours.  I had to push two times and Evan was in my arms.  The following hours fly by.  He's weighed and measured.  5 lbs 13 oz.  19 1/4 inches long.  His head cir. is 12.75 inches.  He's swaddled and back in my arms.  I'm nursing my son for the first time and it feels so perfect.  He's a tiny little guy.  He's a bit jaundiced, but nothing to be too concerned about.  He's absolutely perfect!  I feel whole.  This is who I am.  I'm a mama.  I am exactly what God created me to be. 

Giving birth and becoming a mama has totally changed me. It has made me realize just how important life is and forced me to make some much needed changes in my life.  It has grown me into a better woman, a better wife, a better sister, a more 'whole' human.  God is so good and I can't believe the blessings that he has poured over my life.  I have the most wonderful husband and the most beautiful son.  I am so blessed.

My birth story (part 1)

Evan will be 2 months old tomorrow and I can't believe it!  You never understand how fast time can actually fly past you until you have a baby.  When reading all the mommy blogs I could absorb during pregnancy, I told myself I wouldn't say those words that all mamas say (I can't believe how fast you've grown), but seriously folks, it's inevitable.  Evan really is growing so fast.  In just 2 short weeks, he's become an entirely different baby.  It brings tears to my eyes just typing those words.  Wow, time really does fly by.

Speaking of flying by, my maternity leave is almost over and in a few weeks I'll be returning to work.    I had a few goals that I wanted to complete during my maternity leave. Don't worry I only had a few: Love Evan with all my heart, pump/store as much milk as possible (no quota, just do the best I can), and put into words my birth story.  One of my goals for maternity leave hasn't been met and so with this post, I check it off the list.

Giving birth is an overwhelming event.  It's overwhelming in the fact that it is beautiful, painful, empowering, and amazing.  It's a rite of passage.  It's a chance to show the world just how strong you are.  It's a chance to prove to yourself that you can conquer anything you put your mind to.  For nine months, a woman's body prepares for this journey into motherhood.  And then, after just a few short hours (comparatively) your body has accomplished it's goal.

Here's my story (discontinue reading if you get uncomfortable with TMI topics):

Evan William Jimenez was born on Sunday, June 26th.  I want to start my story on the Thursday before that.  I had my 39 week appointment with my doctor and asked if she could strip my membranes.  She was successful at doing so and I walked away from the appointment hoping that by the end of the weekend I would have my baby boy in my arms and no longer in my belly.  That afternoon, while at work, I starting having horrible back pain.  No amount of stretching, pelvic tilt exercises, Tylenol, or different sitting positions helped.  I was walking around the office more than I was sitting in my office chair doing work.  It was so bad that I finally went home early and laid down in my bed to rest.  I finally was able to sleep around 10:30 that night and I woke up Friday morning around 7:30.  It was glorious...until I tried to sit up in bed and was blinded with the same back pain, same spot, more intense.

I called my doctor as soon as the office opened.  I told her about my situation and she asked a lot of questions (any contractions? no, any bleeding? no, drinking enough water? yes, etc).  After answering all her questions, she advised me to go to the hospital and check myself in.  She wanted to have me monitored in case contractions where happening and I couldn't feel them.  I checked in around 10 am. and was monitored for about 2 hours.  They gave me more pain medicine and alternated ice/hot on my back.  I had one contraction after 2 hours, when the nurse came to discharge me.  She told me that my son had moved down enough to where he was probably sitting on my sciatic nerve.  My options were pretty limited.  I could go to a chiropractor and see if an adjustment would help.  Walking wouldn't help, it would probably just bring more pain.  She basically said, go home, alternate ice and heat, relax and pray your baby comes soon.  great!

I went home, in pain, not knowing what the next few days would bring.  My mind was going 100 mph.  Am I going to have to deal with this pain for another 3 weeks possibly?  I really wanted to work every day possible until the baby came; how was I going to endure?  Now I know why women take leave before the baby comes.  I can't do this!  I don't want to do this.  So this is the pain of pregnancy (yes it was pretty much for first real pain from being pregnant).  I hoped and prayed that this was the onset of labor and that I would have my son in my arms soon!  I called my sister and told her to come over, bring some movies and bring some spicy foods and green grapes (the grapes sent my aunt into labor years and years ago, so I decided to try those too).  Both of my sisters came down, we enjoyed our food and before we started watching the movies, I tuckered out and went to bed (around 11:30).

I was awakened at 12:30 am Saturday by cramping and gas pains, went to the restroom and laid back down to go to sleep.  Then the pains came again about 5 minutes later.  After about 30 minutes of this pattern it donned on me...this might actually be labor, but I didn't want to rush things so I grabbed my exercise ball and, while playing sudoku and bejewled on my phone, rolled back and forth on the ball.  I was trying not to pay attention to the time, but by 3:30 am, the contractions were happening every 3-4 minutes and, though they weren't as painful as I thought they would/should be, were becoming more intense.  I finally woke Rolando up and told him that I thought we should go to the hospital.  My sisters were sleeping in the living room, so I woke them up too and off we went.  I was elated.  It was time and soon enough I would be gazing in my son's eyes and falling head over heals in love!

While Rolando drove us to the hospital, Janelle called mom and told her it was time.  I was taken up to the room and hooked up to the monitors.  I saw the contractions coming and going and was feeling every emotion on the spectrum.

Nervous...will I be able to do this?  what is it really going to be like?
Anxious...the nurse checked me and I was only 2 cm dilated and 50-60% effaced, not a huge change from my 39 week appointment.  She advised me to use the hot tub and told me that if contractions continued it was probably real labor, but I could see in her eyes that she had her doubts.
Elated...the contractions continued while in the hot tub.  My mind was made up, this was it and I was going to meet my son.
Frustrated...the nurse came in and checked me again.  No progress, in fact, she said I was more like 1 cm dilated.  WHAT?!?!?  is that possible?  you can go backward?  NO WAY!
Angry/upset...after 3 hours of napping at the hospital (with the help of ambien and morphine) the nurses decide to send me home.  There would be no baby this afternoon.

I was so sad, upset and just plain frustrated.  My heart was broken.  I wanted to cry a river.  I was told to rest, relax, walk if possible, and when contractions started again, to wait until they were 3 minutes apart, lasting at least a minute, and painful/intense.  I was given homework.  I can do that!  Focus on the homework and wait.

Fortunately I didn't have to wait too long!

To Be Continued...

I'm back

HI! :)

I took a little more than a months break, but now I'm back.  I am not going to guarantee a daily entry; I don't think I did the daily entries before, so why would I start now.  However, I am going to try for at least two posts* a week. 

Let's see what has happened in the last month...  :)

Evan William Jimenez

I have a son! :)  Evan arrived at 1:11 am on June 26, 2011.  He weighed 5 lbs 13 oz and was 19 1/4  inches long.  He was a tiny little guy to everyone's surprise.  I had been measuring right on target, but my doctor thinks I was carrying a lot of extra fluid which tricked us all.  I'll be writing my birth story and editing it for a while.  You can be on the lookout for it sometime next month. 

Evan is one month old.  I can't believe this whole month has come and gone.  My maternity leave is only 10 weeks and I'm already thinking it's not going to be enough time!  At the same time, I've been looking for things to do to keep my busy.  I'm not a good stay at home person.  I've found a couple of outlets and I think it's a good balance of making sure Evan gets good quality sleep and making sure mama gets good quality social time!

Rolando and I are doing well at transitioning to parenthood.  It suits us well! :)  Rolando is a GEM when it comes to loving on his son.  He takes Evan for a walk most mornings so that mama can get some extra sleep (I love that part of my sleep time!)  He dances and sings around the house with Evan which is the sweetest sight ever. :)  I'm so thankful for him.  It's funny how many people said that they fell more in love with their husband after seeing him with their child.  I believed them, but it didn't seem really possible.  How can you love more?  Oh my goodness, now I know what they are talking about.  To see your husband loving on your son (loving your son is for another post entirely) is the most amazing feeling ever!

I am so blessed to have such a wonderful journey ahead of me.  My son is beautiful.  My husband is amazing.  And I survived the most difficult event of my life.

Life is good!


*Posts may include, but are not limited to, pictures of Evan, articles I want to read but don't have the time, favorite websites or blogs, my rantings, my sleep deprived emotions wrapped up in a 30 second entry because...Oops! the baby's crying :/, etc!!  haha

Hospital Bag

Oh.My.Goodness!!!!! 

I'm a little overwhelmed with the amount of stuff recommended to me by all of my wonderful friends and faithful blog followers!  Thank you all so much for your suggestions.  If I were to actually pack everything that you guys recommend, I'd have to bring my biggest suitcase.  I never thought I would end up packing more for a two-day one-night stay than I did for my week long trip to London! :)  haha  But that is what might end of happening.

Here's the list that I have in my suitcase ready to go so far:

• toiletries
• shirts, shorts, pj's, undies and nursing sports bra for me
• baby outfit, socks, stocking hat for baby!
• blanket Tessa made for bringing baby home (hopefully it's not 100 degrees!)
• rice sock and heating pad
• massaging tool
• baby names book (just in case)
• hair bands
• iPod charger
• flip flops

Things I need to add:

• clothes for Rolando
• thick socks (no slippers)
• snacks for hubby and me :)
• apparently I need stool softner (big fat bummer! hahaha)
• baby book calendar thingy (if I find one that I like in time)
• breast pump (so I can ask questions about it and become familiar with it while their is someone to help me!)

Things I will need to remember to grab as we are heading out (and trust me, I'll have a sticky note on the mirror and the back of the front door reminding Rolando and me):

• Camera
• cell phone and charger
• batteries for camera (need to purchase)
• make up and make up remover
• Popsicles...I'm so excited to be able to bring them.  The hospital has a freezer for me to use and everything.
• Laptop and charger
• boppy :)
• diaper bag (already has some things in it, but mostly empty so I can SHOVE free stuff in it! :)

And you know what?  If I forget anything, I live 5 minutes from the hospital and after the baby is born, Rolando can run home and grab it...or better yet, we can just survive without it until we come home.  Really the most important things will be a the hospital: Rolando, me and Sweet Pea!

The Mile Long To-Do List

At our last birth preparation class, the teacher asked, "What is something that would have to be done right away if your baby was born tomorrow?"  Oh my goodness did that get my head spinning.  My immediate thought was, "Well I sure wish I had practiced relaxation techniques and breathing more." But besides that, what needs to be done?  What better way to keep on track and be able to add and delete things than to put it on a blog, right?  So, with no further delay, here's the list of stuff that I'd like to get done before baby comes...and some things that I've already done, but wanted to make it known :)  Really, if not everything gets done, I'm totally fine with that too!  I'll keep it categorized by 'must complete' and 'would like to complete' for sanity's sake!

Must Complete:
Install car seat (May 28th at a center that is offering free assistance) - the car seat is IN the jeep just not properly secured.
Receive a chest of drawers from co-worker and put all clothes away
Go through all of our stuff and get it ready for a garage sale (garage sale is May 21st so this needs to happen soon!)
Move co-sleeper into bedroom, prepare bed for baby, rearrange funiture in bedroom to accomodate
Buy a baby book (I've been keeping track of things in a book that my doctor gave me but it's not fancy or fun in any way and I'd like to at least attempt a baby book.)
Pack our hospital bags (also happening May 21st so that we know for sure it's all ready!)

• rice sock
• playlist for iPod needs to be created
• boppy
• slippers
• Scentsy candle and warmer (I think the newborn nursery smell will be most relaxing)
• Toothpaste/toothbrush and deodarant
• breast pump (to be able to ask questions about it)
• anything else I need??

Would like to complete:
Wash all clothes
Put stroller together and practice opening and closing
Start reading a book about the first year of life
Get connected to a new mom's group
Take Janelle to a child birth prep class

--Any advice for preparation for the big day?  Should I expect less?  Should I expect anything? What did you pack into your hospital bag?

the exercise dilemma :)

I've been having a hard time at the gym on Mondays and Wednesdays.  Those are the days that I normally go to my yoga-lates class and try as hard as possible to be gracefully bendy in all the ways that my pregnant belly refuses to do.  It's gotten harder and harder, but I've struggled through it and really, it seems that I've been doing okay and I feel the benefit from it.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays I attend swim aerobic classes and truly enjoy those classes.  During the class, I feel light and free.  After class, my body has a different, very pressure free feel to it.  I do believe I'm going to keep attending those classes until I deliver.  But that always brings in the burning question: What if my water breaks while I'm in the pool?  Will I know it?

Now that I'm in my 9th month of pregnancy, I'm having thoughts that maybe I shouldn't be doing things that could pull muscles (especially in my abs....can you imagine trying to push a baby out with pulled muscles in your abs!?!?!)  I'm thinking about cutting yoga-lates out of my routine because I just don't want to run the risk.  And, now that the weather is getting nicer (ish) and it's staying lighter, longer, I think it will be a good thing to go on walks (at lease 30 minutes long).  I'm also thinking that I should bring my exercise ball home from the office and use that as much as possible during the evening when I'm watching TV and trying to relax.  Leaning on that will help promote Sweet Pea's head to be in the correct position.

All of these things have been on my mind as my body prepares for the most strenuous task it's ever conquered...and it WILL be conquered! :)  I've been focusing on keeping positive about the end task and reminding myself that God made me to do this.  But above that, I've been reminding myself that I can do so many things to help the process along and strengthen myself for this task.  I need to keep focused on that fact and remind myself daily that the harder I work now, the easier (hopefully) it will be when the day comes that I will finally get to hold my son.

--What kinds of things did you do during pregnancy to help your body prepare for labor?

Pregnancy Survey - 30 weeks

not the best picture of me...sister was making me laugh! :)

 

How far along are you? 30 weeks today. 70 days left! :)

How big is Baby? 3 pounds and about 15.7 inches long.

Weight Gain? In the last eight weeks I've gained 7 pounds.  So I think I'm doing pretty well.

 Gender? Boy

Maternity Clothes? Skirts and leggings are my best friends right now!!  I don't know what I'd do without comfy maternity clothes. It's been such a blessing to have a friend of mine let me borrow so many wonderful clothes!

Stretch Marks? Not any new ones! I was blessed with stretch marks before I was 14. :(

Sleep? I sleep fairly well. I'm not big enough to be SUPER uncomfortable. I do notice I wake up more often to readjust, but then I go right back to sleep.

Symptoms? I've been getting slight numbness in my legs if I sit in a awkward position too long.

Can't cross my legs for more than a minute at a time (which I shouldn't be doing anyway).

I think my bladder has stepped it up a notch!  WOW!

Today I noticed that I need to wear my glasses at work to see the computer clearly.

Movement? I'm lucky to have quite the mover on me! I've been feeling him roll around more often.

He likes to stretch which is getting uncomfortable for mommy.

Food Cravings? Sour cream was all I wanted for about a week!  Eggs, potatoes, salsa and sour cream!

I had a real craving for chocolate yesterday.  I have given it up for lent so I didn't succumb, but I did get Ben & Jerry's Red Velvet Ice cream!  OH.MY.WORD!! To die for!

Labor Signs? Still feeling some braxton hicks contractions.  Nothing bad. 

I keep monitoring them just to make sure.

Belly Button in or out? 100% innie! It hasn't changed even a little bit.

What I miss? Drinking two glasses of wine if I have a bad day!

(sorry mom, just being honest)

What I am looking forward to? maternity leave where it's just me and baby and daddy and not a thing to do except just be!

Best moment of the week? Rolando and I started our childbirth preperation classes this last Thursday.  I know Rolando is going to be fine once things start progressing, but he is scared to death!  He told me that he's going to be in the hospital for a week afterward because he'll have a heart attack. Not funny (but kinda funny).

baby steps toward....well...baby!

Today Rolando and I did something big.  Wait, I don't want to start there...let me back up.

When Rolando and I first met, we went salsa dancing, we went for walks, we played ultimate frisbee with my friends.  We had great times until he landed himself in the ER at Adventist Medical with a separated shoulder!  We had known each other for manybe 3 weeks and I invited him to play ultimate frisbee (he had never played before) with my friends.  He is the epitome of full-out, high-speed, in-it-to-win-it player!  Oh my, I laughed so hard at him running around jumping and falling trying to get the hang of this new yet really cool game.  He was having so much fun.  Then, in one fleeting second, he jumped too high and landed very awkwardly and I heard a POP!  He had hurt himself.  He didn't want me to see him in pain so he tried to stand up and "shake it off." 

Note to everyone: Don't ever, under any circumstance, try to shake off a shoulder injury!!  It'll drop you to the ground with pain like you've never experienced (at least that's what it looked like to me as I watched my super tough amazingly hot boyfriend fall to the ground screaming like a girl).

I told him I'd get the jeep and we were going to the ER.  What I didn't know at that time was that my future husband was TERRIFIED of hospitals and needles and anything that had to do with...hospitals and needles.  I spent the next 5 hours trying to calm my super tough boyfriend enough for them to give him pain meds through an IV and take x-rays and do all the necessary stuff to diagnose and fix him (did I mention that he didn't speak english really well when we first met???  Yeah, that's another post all together).

Fast forward 2 and a half years and we're having a BABY!!! :)  So exciting, such a miraculous time, so....terrifying (for my husband).  He has, since day one we found out we were expecting, been talking about how the hospital is going to be the worst thing ever and he doesn't know how he can do it.  So, I decided, in all my wisdom, to take a tour with him of the maternity center and the cafeteria (cause let's face it, we all know that the man needs food!)  We had the BEST 'tour guide' ever.  She was very patient and calm.  She took us to the labor/delivery room, showed us the jacuzzi (that's right!), showed us the nursery, the recovery room...all the bells and whistles.  It was such a great day for Rolando.  He came out of there with a smile on his face saying that there are many good things about that hospital.  Here's his list:
1. It doesn't smell like a hospital
2. It was very calm and peaceful in the maternity section
3. It has flat screen tvs!
4. The doctors talk slowly enough for him to understand. (I'll have to remember this tidbit when I'm making it known that this is all HIS fault!)

Yep, give my husband a tv and he's set for life!  Give him an elevator straight to the cafeteria and he's your best friend.

Pregnancy Survey - Week 28

How far along are you? 28 weeks today.  84 days left! :)

How big is Baby? 2 1/4 pounds and about 15 inches long.

Weight Gain? At my last doctor appointment I had lost two pounds, but she didn't seem worried.  It's not like I'm starving myself...that's for sure.

Gender? Boy

Maternity Clothes?  I don't know what I'd do without comfy maternity clothes.  It's been such a blessing to have a friend of mine let me borrow so many wonderful clothes!

Stretch Marks? Not any new ones!  I was blessed with stretch marks before I was 14. :(

Sleep? I sleep fairly well.  I'm not big enough to be SUPER uncomfortable.  I do notice I wake up more often to readjust, but then I go right back to sleep.

Symptoms? Last week I went on a hike and I noticed the shortness of breath.  And I'm not even that big yet.  Also, my back feels sore much faster than normal.  Not much bending over for me anymore.

Movement? I'm lucky to have quite the mover on me!  I absolutely adore feeling him move around inside of me.  I'm excited to experience him rolling and tumbling.

Food Cravings? nothing except for I love my foods even spicier than normal.

Labor Signs? I've had a few moments where I could tell I was having Braxton Hicks contractions just because my belly felt tight for a couple of seconds.  But they don't hurt, just feel weird, nothing to worry about yet.

Belly Button in or out? 100% innie!  It hasn't changed even a little bit.

What I miss? I miss being able to sleep on my stomach.  Couple nights ago, I slept in Child's Pose for about 10 minutes.  It was glorious!!

What I am looking forward to? Carting my son around and showing him off to the world!!! :)

Best moment of the week? Going to a consignment sale with friends and getting some really awesome clothes for super cheap! :)

10 Day Challenge - Day 7

1. I want pretzels and peanut butter and ice cream!  :)

2. I want my Masters of Music degree to just fall in my lap! HA!

3. I really want a Kindle!!  My friend just got one and I was playing with it a little bit last night and OH MY GOODNESS!!  I want it!

4. I want my child to be healthy and happy.  I want him to know God and have a good relationship with his daddy.  I want him to love fishing and camping and hiking and...

5. I want to have the ability to fly to visit my friends in all the different places that they live!  I hate not being so close to them.  Strike that...I want my friends to move to Portland!! ;)

6. I want to go full term with my son and not have any complications that lead to intervention or c-section

7. I want a house to live in that is in a good neighborhood for my family and has a beautiful park where my son and I can go play!

40 tips

I stumbled across this neat article today and wanted some place to store it so that when Sweet Pea arrives, I can reference it.

What's in a name

My husband and I are starting to talk (a lot) about names!  I'm so excited for this part of the journey and SOOOO not looking forward to it.  I had a list a mile long of baby girl names that I absolutely adore!  However, God has given us a boy (which I am so thrilled with!!!!)and baby boy names on the HARDEST things to come up with.  I've started researching names on line.  I've looked at books as I pass by them.  I listen everywhere I go for boy names to be called out.  I've even thought about it as I'm going through student files at work.  I've only come up with one that I sort of like.  Hubby likes it too.  But I'm just not thrilled about it. 

I love my name.  My parents did an amazing job at choosing names for me and my 3 siblings.  They are perfect for us.  I couldn't imagine a sister or brother with a different name. 

I know I have 4 more months to go, but it's hitting me just how hard this journey can be.  I want my son to adore his name.  I want it to fit him perfectly.  I want to be able to bless him with a name that (hopefully) won't get too much teasing from the other kids in his class. 

To my friends that are parents:  How did you come up with your children's names?  Web?  Book?  Family member?

it's official...we know!

Yes...that's right.  We know the gender of our little sweet pea.  Here's the story:

We had our 20 week ultrasound on Friday.  The first question we were asked by the ultrasound technician was, "Do you or do you not want know the gender of your baby?"  I said no right away.  For the last 15 weeks I've known I wanted to be surprised.  I talked about it with my sweet husband and we had come to that agreement.  We both didn't want to know.  Well, that's what I thought.

45 minutes into the appointment, the ultrasound technician looked at me and said "Okay, I'm moving into the crotch region so look away."  I looked away, toward my husband, and noticed that he was NOT looking away.  I was in shock for one second.  What are you doing?  You're not looking away?  Why aren't you looking away???  What he said next was very simple, but rocked my world.  "I want to know!  I'm looking!"  

WHAT?!?!  But we talked about this, we agreed on this, we....well, we nothing..apparently it was all me.  So in the very next second, I turned my head back to the screen and looked just in time for the ultrasound tech to type out...

I know it's a hard picture to see, but I'll try to help out.  Just imagine you are holding a baby over your head and looking at the bottom of the bum. The top left of the body is my baby's little bum :)  Then, on the opposite side... you guessed it.  My boy isn't shy, he's letting it all hang out.  So his legs are heading out to the top and bottom of the screen.  I hope that helps.

Since we know the gender now, we are just keeping the name options a secret.  Of course, we won't decide the name 100% until we meet our son, but we'll have some options picked out. :)

So, there you have it.  It's a boy!!

20 week ultrasound!

 On Friday, I had my wonderful amazing 20 week ultrasound.  This was the day I'd been waiting for my entire pregnancy.  The day I get to see my baby for an entire hour moving, squirming, waving, kicking.   Rolando came with me and we had a wonderful time watching Sweet Pea!  We got a few great pictures. 

Sweet Pea is laying face up.  Look at Rolando's nose on that baby!

At least we know Sweet Pea has five toes!  We'll wait to see the other 5 in 20 weeks :)

It's hard to see but, bottom right, thumb is pointing up and fingers are out to the right.

There's more news to come, but that will have to wait for another day.

feeding the freezer

In anticipation of baby's arrival, I've been pondering what freezer meals I'll want to cook ahead of time.  My great friend Gretchen (you can visit her here), stocked her freezer with meals (with the help of mom and sisters) before baby's arrival and the fantastic idea was embedded in my mind.

Some potential problems I'm trying to wrap my head around:

• Rolando and I live in a small apartment and we definitely don't have a lot of freezer space. 
• We don't have many cassarole dishware.
• Mom and Dad  have a second fridge/freezer combo plus a large deep freezer, but they live 20+ min away.
• My baby will be born in June/July.  Not a very good time for hot, heavy, filling meals.

Some ideas for freezer meals:
Beef strognaoff
chicken, bean, beef enchiladas
chicken parmesian
lasagna
mannitcottis
cookie dough made into cookies (so it's not a meal...I still want it in my freezer!!!)
pulled pork bbq
chicken chili cassarole
Bean/rice/cheese wraps on tortillas (handy for quick lunches)



So, my few followers....
What freezer meals do you and your family enjoy?  Recipes?  What lessons have you learned (what not to freeze)?  Can a momma-to-be hope to purchase tin (disposable) cassarole dishes to freeze and still have high quality meals come from the oven?  Or should we invest in cassarole dishes for the long haul?