I've been reading a lot of books on pregnancy and childbirth and wanted to hear so much more than impersonal facts. I wanted to hear personal stories of inspiration. I decided to email some of my friends and family to ask about their experience with pregnancy and childbirth. I was thrilled beyond words with the outcome of this email. I am LOVING the results I received and thought it would be really fun to share some of them. Get ready for a LOT of information and some of it is very, VERY intimate/personal info...I left any information out that would identify the person that responded. I've cut a lot of information out, tons of information really, so that it wouldn't be a 500 page novel. :)
Question's are in black. Answers are in gold and blue alternatively to separate individuals answers. My thoughts or summaries are in purple.
How much did you gain with baby? anywhere from 12 - 80+ pounds.
Things I've learned: Don't listen to any book or person on how much weight you should gain. As long as you are eating healthy (ish) and exercising, your body will do what it needs to do to house and grow that wonderful miracle!
What did you do for exercise? An array of answers, a lot of them had to do with walking. But some of them were answers like this: I taught preschool and coached boys varsity volleyball and girls varsity track oh I also walked a lot; Absolutely nothing except chase around my two other children. LOL; I found some pregnancy yoga/pilates videos on youtube; prenatal water aerobic class; What? Exer-what? I tried to go for walks in the beginning but I was just too sick (I am SOOO glad I'm not sick!) Daily pelvic rocks (yoga cat/cow), squats and Kegels
Things I've learned: I need to be better about my walking :) I've done really well in the last couple of weeks, just need to maintain. I also need to figure out a way to remind myself to do the kegel exercises. :)
How long does it take you to get back in shape? My youngest is 3.5 yrs old and I am still working on it; I'm still trying; Oh honey, this question isn’t even fair to yourself (I think I like this answer the best!! It reminds me to focus on overall health and wellness instead of what society says should be); Getting back in shape is so different than getting back to what you used to look like. After having a baby your body never looks like it did (not bad or anything) just different especially your boobs and butt; Breast feeding DEFINITELY helped loose weight quickly, you burn more calories. As long as you watch what you are eating (which I did b/c I knew that if I ate veggies and fruit that the baby would be more likely to eat them when they grew up--flavor transfers to the breast milk); The answer is probably 'longer than you hope it will be!'
Things I've learned: I've always struggled with weight and self-image. These answers reminded me that I'm not the only one that struggles with weight. The most important thing I've learned is that I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I will continue to focus on and strive to love myself no matter what. If I'm lucky enough to be one that looses all the baby weight due to breastfeeding, AWESOME!! If it stays on forever and I have to work really extra hard to get some of it off, God please help me to be okay with that!!
What is your sexual desire like while pregnant? With #1 I was wanting sex all the time. All the way until the end. Then with #2 hubby was really excited to have that drive back,...and well...her pregnancy just sucked. I had zero desire for sex. Then with #3 pregnancy it was like my first. My desire was high and in full force; Not so much; w/ the first two it was NON-existent. I wanted nothing to do w/ having sex. of course most of the time I was puking. With this one...I can't seem to get enough of hubby! lol; Sex, whose doesn't love to have it especially when you don't have to worry about getting pregnant. The further along you get you find that new positions are necessary; None, notta. Nope. I did NOT want to be touched and hubby was all weirded out by having sex with a pregnant woman; So sad, I thought it would totally perk up during pregnancy, but I was usually too tired, not feeling it or freakin' huge!
After?Let's see sex drive after. With all three I nursed. So, having my husband touch my breasts just wasn't "exciting" for me. Yes, they were bigger for him, but they hurt like hell, and they just didn't seem like a sex tool anymore. They were for the babies. Not for my husband. So, that was really hard to "let him play" and mentally be focused on what he wanted from them. I recuperated pretty well after #1. I could have sex again after about 5-6 weeks. #2, it hurt to have sex for 11 months. We still had it, it just hurt. When I finally went back to the doctor after the 10 month, she told me. "Sorry hun, the only way to not make it hurt is to have more sex more often. She said there was scar tissue there that needed to be soften. The only way for that would be to have more consistent sex." I was like...SUCK! But, then when I finally sucked it up and had sex more often then the pain went away. Now, it's only been 6 days after birth with #3 so sex life...don't know yet; hmm...to be honest you are on a LONG period for quite a while and you're pretty sore and just want to be loved on...not necessarily give love or make love;
Things I've learned: Everyone's different, so don't assume anything...and just roll with it. Enjoy what you can and be okay with things that don't go your way.
How bad is your labor? It was long. I wasn't prepared for the stamina it required. It was doable though, I'll do it again :)Labor with #1: I ordered for an epidural. The epi came and it only worked on my right side of my body. Labor with #2: labor... because my body was so sensitive the entire pregnancy...it hurt like hell to get the epidural. NEVER hurt for#1 's... but hurt like Hell for #2's. Then again, the epidural only worked on my rightside. However, #2 came a lot quicker so they couldn't give me more drugs. So, I labored and delivered her with pain on my left side. I pushed for an hour with her. This time I could feel the contractions; Honestly, it was great. I was induced with both of my children and the first induction was way too fast so I had to get an epidural (scary) but I loved it, giving birth and pushing was the best experience ever even though it hurt. With #2 the induction was much better and I was able to labor naturally without an epidural and was able to experience a whole different kind of labor. By the time I reached the transitional contractions (the really painful ones) I was asking for an epidural but really by the time you get here you don’t get an epidural and everything was great even though it hurt. I got to labor in a hot tub of water at my hospital and it really helped; My labor was pretty easy with both. the labor pains felt like cramps X100 once I had the epidural it was a piece of cake ( I highly recommend the epidural); Contractions were super duper intense and there was little or no break in between them. After a few hours asked the nurse how long she thought I'd be in this stage of labor and she said, "another 5-6 more hours and then pushing." When I heard that I thought "I can't do this." So I asked for an epidural. That was a very strange experience but I'm glad for it! After that I could feel the pressure of the contractions but not the pain from them. About another hour or so after the epidural the nurse told me I could start pushing. So it was David, the nurse and myself in the room and I was pushing for about 45 minutes. Then the nurse went to get the DR and they got all set up and I pushed for another 45 minutes. Apparently that's a really long time to be pushing!! :) But finally around 4pm on July 10th Zachary was born!!! It's amazing and hard and then they put that baby on your chest and your heart will explode with love!;
Things I've learned: WOW, you just read the same I thing I did...I'm incredibly blessed to have such strong friends and family in my life.
Things they don't tell you before you get pregnant:
1. The harder you push the more likely you'll get hemroids. (So curtisy of baby number 1, I will have hemroids for the rest of my life).
2. When your hips start getting ready for the birth (could be as early as 2nd trimester) it will be painful to walk.
3. Stretch marks...stetch marks...stretch marks.... I know this is usually obvious...but I honesty thought I would never get them. 4. Its really hard to imagine that your hubby will ever find you sexually attractive again. (But, they do.)
5. Positive things: Having a child is the BEST gift God could ever grant a woman! They are precious, funny, reminders of how you should be living a Godly life, constant reminders of the love between you and your hubby!! They truly are a blessing, even when they are being a pain in the butt.
6. They don’t really tell you what your water breaking will feel like other than some have gushing and some have a trickle. (Frustrating)
7. The healing process can be long and messy! :)
8. you feel like you've run a marathon.
9. Be prepared to have every single aspect of your body changed by your pregnancy. I lost my voice for about a month, I swear my nostrils widened, and every part of my body itched for about the last 2 months. Your vision might change. Your nails/hair will grow differently when you’re pregnant. You might break out in acne. You might be constipated or have very loose stools. When it gets closer to the end you won’t be able to each as much because your stomach will be squished into your esophagus. Your feet and legs will probably take on liquid and will be heavier for at least a few weeks after delivery. You might actually gain weight after you deliver the baby because of water weight. Take your wedding ring off when it starts getting tight. Don’t worry, you’ll be able to put it back on within a few weeks/months after you deliver. And remember….you will not be pregnant forever.
Postpartum: I got annoyed. I got annoyed with every little detail about my marriage. Things were too routine. Nothing spontanous. I was sinking into a deep hole of blah, and I wanted out. So, finally after 11 months I prayed, and I prayed, for help. I wanted to be loved by my hubby again. (Not that he wasn't loving me, but in my mind it was routine love.) I just wanted to get out of this rut. After several prayers I knew the Lord just really wanted me to sit down with Josh and talk. So, I did. After the girls went to bed one night, I turned off the t.v., sat right in front of him, and said, "I'm sorry." I said, "I'm being seriuos, please just don't say anything right now...just listen." So, we talked and we talked. Then my final question to him was, "What do you truly want from me? and please don't say sex." I said, "I just really want to know what you as my husband wants from your wife to make our relationship better. His simple response; "to want me." And from that moment on, I knew that I was being devoted to #1 and #2 and not to what God wants me to have first...my husband. When you do start having children, PLEASE ALWAYS put your husbnad first. When this happens, it just makes life so much easier. Since I started putting him first in my life. Life has been great (obviously not perfect) but great. He helps me more when I'm overwelmed. He'll surprise me a special dessert here and there. Not often, but he knows when to do it. :0) So, communication with hubby, don't stop!
Sleep when the baby sleeps. I know everyone tells you this but not very many new mothers follow this advice. I slept when the baby did and it really helped me avoid any post partum depression. Most people don’t realize that post partum depression (although varies from person to person) is more likely to happen when you are tired or overly stressed. So give yourself time to sleep. Someone else can do the dishes, laundry etc. worst case scenario it just piles up but you will be more able to handle things with the right amount of stress. Another thing is to allow Rolando to help at night. Even having Robbie bring the baby to me so I could do the feedings really helped. One more thing is talk about your feelings. They are irrational at times and Rolando and you should realize it is hormonally driven and okay. As long as you and he know that whatever thoughts go through your head do not make you a “bad” person and are completely normal and it is always good to talk about everything.
- Don't worry about there being a "time table" to recovery - take it one day at a time! And if that means your house isn't kept as well or whatnot, that is A-Ok. The most important this is you recovering and you taking care of that sweet baby!
- Baby blues for a few days or so are pretty common but if you ever have horrible thoughts about harming yourself or baby TALK TO SOMEONE RIGHT AWAY.
- Keep on giving yourself grace!! :) Remember that your body just went through a very taxing miracle. It's hard physically and also emotionally. Your body just stockpiled hormones for 9 months and now is releasing them and trying to get back to normal, so sometimes it feels like a roller coaster, but just keep on keeping on and giving yourself grace!
listen to your body. take your FMLA leave. snuggle with baby as much as possible
Not everyone is able to breastfeed. If you’re planning on doing this know that there is a good chance your milk will never come in and be ready to deal with the pain of that. Some people might try to make you feel guilty but don’t listen to them. Also, you’ll hear a lot about post-partum depression. This will happen. There is no way around it. When your doctor asks how you’re doing at your one-week follow up be honest with them because they need to know how you’re feeling. Pregnancy does a number on your hormones so just be ready for this.
Best of all: Charissa all I can say is that motherhood is awesome it intensifies life like you won't believe.
Thank you for sharing so much. I hope I did justice to your stories even though I had to cut some things out because seriously, you all can WRITE!!! This is a long post anyway, but it probably could have been about 10 x's longer if I didn't cut anything out. I LOVED IT ALL!!! You all have truly blessed me beyond words. My life is richer because of all of you.
