D. B. P.

Dear Breast Pump,

It's time to be brutally honest.  I have such a love-hate relationship with you.  It's not that I truly hate you, but I definitely don't 100% love you.  I know that I need you and I know that you are good for my future needs.  I just don't feel very connected to you.  You aren't very communicative with me as of late.  I feel like you suck the life out of me and don't give me anything in return!  Also, I feel like you are a little bit fake with me.  You don't make me feel the same way that my other breast relationship does.  Oh and this is probably a good time to let you know that I'm cheating on you...a lot!  Please don't be upset.  It's better for both of us that I have this other relationship.

I might neglect you one day, but I promise I won't let you go longer than 48 hours without giving you my attention.  I hope this is good enough for you, because it's as good as I can give.  There are just a lot of demands on me right now.  But don't be worried, I promise to keep our relationship going. 

Sincerely,
kissapoo