Evan 3 months

Look at that smile!

I know that all of these photos are very similar but I couldn't help adding all of them.  Evan is so very expressive and I love capturing every single moment!


Evan is 3 months old today.  WHAT?!?!? :)

He's becoming such a fun little boy.  He loves a LOT of attention.  He loves to be active.  Well, let me rephrase.  He loves to be kept active by those who take care of him!  He loves to bounce and stand and be taken for walks in his moby.  He loves to be talked to and he loves funny faces and noises.  He's started to talk a lot and absolutely interacting with others.  Of course, he loves his mama's voice the best.  Sorry I had to say it :)  He's starting to like tummy time and playing with toys, especially the ones with lights.  He's loving his Auntie Janelle (who is also his nanny).

He doesn't like to be left alone.  He doesn't like his immunization shots (who does?). 

He's learning to be a social baby.  This Saturday was Rolando's birthday party and he was held by at least 10 different people while awake and didn't seemed bothered by it at all.  I love that he isn't bothered by other people.  I hope this is a trait that stays with him. 

Rolando is doing a fantastic job of speaking Spanish to Evan.  I really hope that when Evan starts to speak (which could be later than normal because of the bilingual household) he'll have a strong foundation in both Spanish and English.

He's growing like a weed!! I'm pretty sure he's more than 24 inches now.  His face looks a little thinner and that means he's gained some length.  He eats all. the. time!  Today, for example, after I got home I ate at 4 am, 7:30 am, 9:30 am (took a fantastic nap), 1:30 pm, 3:30 pm, 6:15 pm and 7:45 pm.  He'll go to sleep now and will probably wake up around 11:30 for his midnight snack.  When I put it in words like that, it doesn't seem so bad...perfectly normal for a little guy to eat 8 times a day.  I guess it just seems like a lot when you're the one being needed :)  And I don't mind at all.

Evan,

I love being your mama.  You make it pretty easy these days.  I enjoy every second I get to spend with you.  Lately, there have been big chunks of time that you aren't in my arms.  I was sad about this at first (and I'll always miss you) but what I'm learning is that I love seeing other people love on you too.  It's okay for others to hold ya and love on ya and kiss on ya!  You enjoy it too.  Your smiles are addicting and so good for my soul.  Your little legs kicking away at things that make you happy let me know that I'm doing a good job of entertaining you.  I can tell by the look in your eye that you are making connections with things that make you happy.  You know that the changing table is fun with the mobile.  You know that, when mama sits down on the couch, you get to see your favorite white and black screen behind it.  You are so smart!!  I love the snuggle times and the active times.  You are the best, cutest, most lovely baby there is.

Love,
mama

totally blog-worthy poo!

Evan is talented!  That's enough said right there, but I'd like to elaborate.  Here's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. :)

Just moments before all the activity...so sweet...first time smiling while nursing :)

I was nursing Evan.  He was done with one side.  I decided I'd burp him before I switched sides.  I set him (a little on the boppy) mostly on my leg and started patting away.  Seconds later, my son let out a BIG poo....and it leaked. all. over!!!!  It was on my dress pants (guess I'm not wearing those again this week).  On the boppy (how do you get poo out of plush??). On the couch.  All OVER him and his clothes.  Plus, because he's a 100% mama's milk diet, you KNOW it's all runny and gooey!  (TMI?)

So, I take him back to our changing area.  I take his outfit off and pull his diaper down.  He's become famous for not getting it all out at once and so I've been leaving the dirty one under him while he finishes his business, so to say.  He loves the mobile above his changing pad, so it entertains him while I clean off my pants with wipes, stain remover and paper towels.  I'm leaning over trying to clean myself and Evan decides he needs to pee.  (Do you see what's coming?)  Evan peed in my face...for the first time...but still. YUCK!

So I take off his diaper and put a paper towel under him, thinking he's done.  Oh mama!  You still have yet to learn!  Of course he's not done.  I lift him up to put the diaper under and out comes some more poo.  Well, at least I have a paper towel to catch it.

Clean him up, lotion his back and legs (he's been getting dry spots), diaper him, put stain remover on his clothes and socks, come out to the living room...remember that it's all over the boppy....take him back to the changing pad, try to clean poo off of plush...seriously how do you do that?  Come back out to the living room and sit down....feeling beat!

:)

week at a glance

In order to process through all the things I need to get done this week (and to be able to turn my brain off in order to sleep), I've decided to make a list of what needs to happen on what day.  I know, you all are just DYING to see what I need to do :)

Monday:
*Go to the post office to mail Rolando's packet to Cuba.
*Get a key made for the nanny...that never happened last week...oops!
*Go to Birch (gleaning community) to shop and volunteer

Tuesday:
* i WILL walk to work!
*Research how to make great croquetas and empanadas (of course I promised my hubby those two dinner items for his birthday party....what was I thinking!!?!?)
*Research a good cheap drink...sangria?
*Put the clean clothes away

Wednesday:
* i WILL walk to work!
*Go shopping for all ingredients I need for the party food and drink
*Get decorations (crepe paper rolls and flags?)

Thursday:
*I have to attend a meeting that is outside of my normal 'in office' hours.
*anything of the above that didn't get done because, well, life DOES happen! :)

Friday:
*New mom's group
*Birch for shopping
*Jess's house for cooking and decorating

Saturday:
*Any decorating and cooking I need to do
* PARTY!!!!!!! :)

Phew!  It's going to be a busy week.  All of this is on top of a 40 hour work week!  But I know that this weekend will be SO amazing because of all the hard work I put in. 

Just because:

Okay, I seriously need my energy...off to bed!

my traveling knowledge

I was going through all my posts and realized that this never posted...sad!  Here it is :)

---------------------------------

What I learned on this trip

Don't take so much stuff next time.

Don't fall down the stairs on day 4 of an 11 day vacation

TAKE PICTURES!!! Lots of them.  with lots of different people.  (I'm so upset at myself about that!)

Being gracious with those around you (even if you feel they don't deserve it) is a big help!

Moms are THE BEST help EVER!!  Be thankful for your mom.

Showing off your baby is more important than being in the comfort and routine of your home surroundings.

Let other people hold and love your baby.  It melts your heart to know that so many people adore and love your son as much as you do.

Go with the flow.  Your son is going to cry and be fussy and have his good and bad moments.  It's okay.  In the words of your mother, "It bothers you way more than it bothers anyone else."

Learn from your son, Relax!

Bonding

*Warning: you might need a tissue.  I certainly did*

This post has been a long time coming.  There are so many words that I wanted to put down perfectly.  I'm not a fantastic writer, especially when the words are burdened by so much emotion.  In the last few weeks, I've felt a tug on my heart to write about a topic that is not talked about enough.  It's not a topic that people like to talk about, it has the potential to bring a lot of awkward moments to the conversation.  But, today, I decided that I'm okay with awkward moments.  Someone out there (whoever my audience may be) needs to hear these words.  And so I write.

I didn't immediately bond with my son.

Are you surprised?  I was!  How could I not love this baby and feel that immediate bond with him?  What a horrible mother I am going to be.  How will I care for a child if everything I thought about the immediacy of that overwhelming feeling goes out the window?  What does it mean to not bond with your baby immediately?  Who do I talk to about this?  People would ask me after my son was born: Don't you just LOVE him?" And while I knew the answer was yes, it wasn't the euphoric, strong, infatuation love that I expected.  I am a person who feels emotions deeply and for me not to feel so deeply about my son..it scared me.  When would the bonding occur? 

This issue was always on my mind.  That first week was pretty bad emotionally (obviously) but not feeling that bond made it so much harder.  And then there was another topic that I thought of constantly.  I'm almost afraid to say this next thing, but it's the truth so I'll say it anyway.  For a long time, I felt that I didn't 'earn the right' to be a mom.  I had heard a lot of stories about birth and had psyched myself up for a super intense, long, hard, painful delivery experience.  I thought, "That's the journey you have to go through to become a mom."  Well, I'm happy to say that I had a relatively easy, very fast delivery.  Yes, it was painful, but not as painful and hard and excruciating as I thought it was going to be.  The two things I remember most is that I was so tired from being up for almost 48 hours straight and that the last 10-15 minutes were really intense and a lot of pressure. And, yes, the ring of fire does exist...I found it!! :)  However, compared to many stories I had heard, it was a cake walk.  All that made me feel like I hadn't earned the baby laying in my arms.  I know it's a bit ridiculous, but it's the truth and it was a real emotion that I felt.  There I said it.

Bonding is something that comes with time

In those first two weeks of having my son home, I took care of his every need, very minimal...feed him, put him to sleep and change his diaper.  He was a very sweet little new born baby.   He didn't cry a lot.  Nursing was very easy for both of us so that was really nice.  I started to feel more connected as time went on.  But then something happened... He hit 4 weeks old and started to need a lot! ;)  

 He wasn't a very "easy" baby.  He became a very fussy baby.  Evan needed to be held and fed and bounced and rocked and swaddled and bounced and shooshed and re-swaddled (man this child can squirm) and walked and....well you get the point.  He needed constant attention and care and I felt like I couldn't even put him down for a second without him crying.  He had terrible gas pains.  He had trouble pooping (bicycle legs and leg pushes are a God-send).  He didn't sleep more than 2 hours at a time.  Oh, it was just awful.  But, while that was happening, he started distinguishing his cries.  He would cry a certain way for hunger or tiredness or gas pain.  It was then that I started thinking "I'm so proud of myself for learning his different cries."  Someone else would have him when he'd start crying and they'd say, "I think he's hungry" and I'd know with every inch of my being that his cry meant he was tired and needed to be swaddled and held on his side with his paci in his mouth.  He'd confirm that by falling to sleep within seconds and I'd feel my heart swell.  I was doing it right!  And, all of a sudden, a light turned on.  I'm bonding with my child!  This is what it feels like to be so connected to a little being that you know his every need and desire.  It felt so good and so right.  I'm loving on my child and bonding with him by taking care of him.  He responds with appreciation by going right to sleep or happily nursing and gazing into my eyes or smiling when we do bicycle legs (he especially likes bicycle legs with his Mamsie!)

I realize this isn't bicycle legs, but it's a good pic of Evan and Mamsie!! :)

Something my mom told me when Evan was about 4 or 5 weeks old really hit home for me.  She teaches graduate level students who, for the most part, work full time and attend school at night.  One of her students has worked in the hospital for 25+ years.  This student came up to my mom one night and, while talking about my son, said that 60% of women don't immediately bond with their baby and that it takes mama's up to 6 weeks to feel bonded with their child.  Wow, when I heard that, I knew I was okay.  I'm with the MAJORITY of mama's. 

A number of ways I can tell I've bonded with my son

1.  His smile melts my heart e-ver-y time!!
2.  His cry stimulates my milk let down
3.  If he's not in my arms, I miss the weight of his body against me
4.  I cry every day on the way to work (luckily I only have a 3 min drive or 15 min walk)
5.  He stares into my eyes while nursing and I stare right back
6.  He's always on my mind 
7.  I can soothe him (not just by feeding him) in minutes....most of the time :) 

Evan,

Although I didn't bond with you immediately, I feel very secure with our relationship now.   You let me know in so many ways just how much you need me and love me.  Each time I can satisfy your need, my heart swells with delight and pride.  I am so happy to be your mother.  There have been some hard times that only a select few have truly witnessed, but those hard times are becoming few and far between.  Let me add that I loved you every bit as much when you were screaming as when you were laying happily in my arms.  I am willing to put in all the effort needed to make you happy and comfortable.  That's my full time job.  It's not always glamorous, but it's highly rewarding!  I love you with all my heart and feel closer to you every day.  The way you give me good morning smiles fills my heart to overflowing.  It's like you know I need those smiles to tide me over for the work day.  See, you know me and I know you!  We are such a team.

Te amo!
Mama 

Twas the week before...

...I have to go back to work... BOO!!!  :(

I can't get over how motherhood has changed me.  I never thought I'd be the mom that wants to stay at home.  But I do.  I want to be a mama who gets to stay at home and enjoy every moment of my child's life.  I don't want to miss a single second.  Every smile, every coo, every kick makes my heart melt.  I am so in love.  And why wouldn't I be?  Have you seen my son?  He's adorable!!

Morning smiles are the best

 

I'm not one of the lucky ones that gets to stay at home with my baby, but I am VERY blessed to have a sister that will nanny my child.  My sister is amazing with kids!  And of course, she loves her nephew!  Evan is blessed to have such a wonderful care taker.  

I am also blessed because my place of employment accepted a proposal I wrote a month before Evan was born.  This proposal asked for the opportunity to work half time from home and half time from the office.  That brings my time away from Evan down to 20 hours a week.  Also, my work is less than 5 minutes from my house so I'm even more blessed that I don't have to cut another hour out with travel.  

I'm trying really hard to focus on the positives.  I know the first week is going to be hard.  Right now, I can't even imagine setting an alarm and getting ready for work.  I'm panicking about the alarm waking Evan up.  In all actually, Evan has never slept past 6:30, so I shouldn't have to set an alarm, but what if one day.....  And so it continues.  Do I know how to get ready for work anymore.  I haven't really done my hair in weeks, how do I want to do it for work now.  Casual chic high pony with a part on the side?  Curly down?  Straight?  HA! Who has time for that!?!?!  :)

Ugh, I better remind myself again that I want to focus on the positives and leave it at that.  I'm calling it a night, folks.  This is just rattling my brain!

Evan,

You come with so many important decisions to make.  Vaccinations?  Baby sitters?  When to start real foods?  Etc.  But the hardest decision I have had to make so far is a decision to stay with mine and daddy's original plan for me to go back to work.  I have to re-decide that every day because you are just to hard to leave at home.  I'm going to try to be strong though.  Please know that mama loves you more than you will ever know.  And the decision to work outside of the home is a tough but necessary one.  I would give anything to stay with you at home, but it's just not in the plan right now.  However, you are going to have an AWESOME nanny!  She comes highly recommended from a friend and, by the way, she's your auntie! ;)  She loves you almost as much as I do.  She'll be your favorite morning time person for a while and you guys are going to have so much fun!  She's the best nanny there is!

And, because I talked about one of your aunties, I need to mention another.  Tee-tee wants me to tell you this all important message.  "You is kind. You is smart.  You is important.  She loves you too and wants what is best for you.  She also wants you to have a great sense of self worth!

You have so many wonderful people in your life who love you to bits!  You are one lucky little boy.

I love you!

Mama